This week I went to a new Internal Medicine doctor. I needed to get established as a new patient so that I have somewhere to go if I get sick. As she was asking all kinds of questions going through my medical history, she asked me if I had any depression or anxiety. I told her I had in the past, but not now. She seemed startled and asked, "Not at all? Not with all the cancer stuff you are going through?" I had to say, "No, not really." She then asked me why I thought that was. I told her I was not sure, but I just felt like my cancer was not a surprise to God, and that since He had allowed it, He must have a purpose, and He had promised to carry me through, so I was just trusting His promises. She thought that was great, and carried on with the appointment.
Fast forward to Sunday. At church we watched a video clip and I was reminded of the passage in Matthew 14:22-32 where Jesus and Peter walk on the water. In the midst of the storm, Peter walks on water...like he was floating...as long as he looked at Jesus. The second he looked away, he began to sink and be overwhelmed by the storm. Then it hit me. I think that is a great description of how I've felt. I cannot describe why I've had a peace in the midst of this storm except that I've tried to keep my eyes on Jesus. I have literally felt like I was "floating" through this storm, or like I was walking on water with the storm raging around me. I have no doubt that if I took my eyes off of Jesus and looked at my circumstances, that I would, in an instant, be drowning in grief, sorrow, fear of the unknown, confusion, anger, frustration, etc. Jesus told Peter, "Take heart; it is I. Do not be afraid." In a way, I feel like He has said the same thing to me. So, I continue to move forward with baby steps. It's like I am walking on the water, through this storm, being held up by the gaze and arms of Jesus!