Thursday, January 27, 2011

Thankful "J"

JAVA CHIP FRAPPUCCINO - Need I say more? :) This Starbucks drink has been my reward every Thursday for the last couple of months. Friends and family have given me gift cards and I have enjoyed them fully! After every treatment, I have stopped by and picked up my drink and thoroughly enjoyed it on my way home! Out of fear, I have neglected checking the calorie count on this favorite drink of mine. :) However, now that I am going to try to lose some weight before my surgery in March, I have decided to give up my Java Chip until then. Don't worry though...the day after my surgery, I plan to send my husband to the nearest Starbucks and have him pick one up for me to celebrate!

Monday, January 24, 2011

Holding the Balloon!

Those who know me, know that I am a melancholy person. Those who know my husband, know that he is very Sanguine. He dances on stage, I dance in my living room. He is an incredibly gifted teacher, I am a storyteller. He speaks, I write. People say we balance each other because we are opposites in almost every way. :) One of my best friends is a Sanguine too, and I think I have always felt a bit intimidated by and envious of their energy, spirit, and personalities.

This week I stopped by my husband's classroom for a moment before I went to my weekly treatment. Being January, he had a classroom full of new students I have not met yet. I spoke to my husband for a few minutes and then left. After I left, my husband said that one of his students interrupted him with the following observation...

"Mr. S. can I tell you how I see you and your wife?" Curious, my husband nodded, "yes," and the boy continued. "Mr. S., you are a helium balloon. You are full of energy and life, blowing all over the place. Your wife is the one holding the balloon. She is calm and grounded and without her, you would just pop or go crazy and blow away."

My husband was very taken aback. He laughed because he had never quite heard it put that way and he was surprised that the boy had described us in such a way, and with a picture that seems like a pretty accurate description! I was just glad that the student did not say I was a "lead balloon," which is where I first thought he was heading with the story. Leave it to me to lean to the negative. :)

All in all, I will say that I appreciate the description. It makes me smile! And, I don't mind so much being calm and grounded. My children tend to "fly" like their father and I LOVE being able to help guide them higher and higher! What could be better!

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Can I do it?

Today I met with my plastic surgeon. I feel very secure in my decision, but I am still anxious about the upcoming surgeries after finding out what all is involved and the pain potential involved with the reconstruction process. I am going to try to put it out of my mind and not dwell on it until the time for the first surgery arrives. My first surgery is scheduled for March and I hope to be done with everything by June.

With that in mind, I have just 7 weeks to lose 15 lbs. before my surgery. This is not a requirement, but is something I feel that I really need to do. I am not at all sure that it is even something that I can do, but I am making plans. :) Initially I am going to try adjusting my diet and adding exercise. If that does not work, I may have to seek professional help. :) We'll see how the first couple of weeks go!

Whatever happens, I am ready to finish my treatments, get the surgery over with and get on with my life...cancer free!

Thursday, January 13, 2011

My One Year Mark!

Tonight I am sitting by the computer with just 30 minutes left in the day that marks my "1 year cancer free!" It has been an emotional day and one that I am almost sad to see go. I'm sitting here in my cozy p.j.'s with my children and 2 of their cousins asleep on the living room floor. There is a beautiful white snow outside and it's all quiet inside....the house at least. I am very restless on the inside of me. People keep asking me how I am going to celebrate this milestone and I am just not sure yet. I have been invited by a friend to take a trip to India. I cannot tell you how badly I want to do this. What a way to celebrate!

I cannot adequately describe the gratefulness I feel to be able to even be celebrating this day. I know that each day is a gift and I want to live with purpose. I have been given more time and I don't want to waste it. I am not sure what that will look like in my life, but I know some changes need to be made. I know that change takes time, but I'm the type of person who sees a need and moves on it. I don't see the point in waiting. :) So, I am ready to start making some changes and I want to get started this year!

I am also a little nervous. This last month has been a difficult one. My body, which has been in menopause since March of last year, has decided to do a complete turn-around, and is now trying to head back the other way. My doctor is surprised and I have been an emotional and physical wreck. My poor husband and kids. :) I have also begun meeting with doctors and talking with other women about my reconstructive surgery. The recurring theme seems to be that I should prepare for a painful, drawn-out process. Great. Now I have begun to dread something I was actually looking forward to. Of course I will still keep moving forward, one step at a time and pray for grace for each new day and what it brings.

So, I will head to bed, just before midnight, praising God for this year and seeking His protection, strength and direction for the year to come!

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Thankful "I"

INDIA - I am thankful for India, my son's birth country. From childhood, I have been fascinated by the country and the people. I never thought that one day I would have a child from there. I hope to be able to travel there again someday, and I pray that my feelings for the country will grow from an infatuation to a love.

IMPOSSIBILITIES: II Corinthians 12:9 "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness. Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, that the power of Christ may dwell in me." As I make my list of New Year's resolutions (or "revolutions" as my daughter E calls them) I am well aware of how impossible it seems that I will be able to accomplish least not in my own power. They are worthy goals, but I will be the first to admit that my desire to do better in each area comes back to a lack of organization which results in poor stewardship. I truly desire to be a better steward of my time, money, friendships, talents, health, etc. and I want my life to reflect the glory of God, so... I am grateful for what seem like impossibilities, because, if I am able to follow through on my resolutions, it will mean that Christ has been working in my life and has give me the power to do so!

Monday, January 10, 2011

Thankful "H"

HOME - Home has been a haven for me over the last year and 1/2. I admit that I already had the tendency to be a hermit, and the last year has given me permission to do that. My home has been a sanctuary for me of sorts. I have been able to rest, enjoy my kids, and just be at home. I am truly thankful that God has blessed me with not just a house, but a home.

HOPE - There is an old hymn that says, "I know whom I have believed and I am persuaded that He is able to keep that which I've committed unto Him against that day." As I am approaching my 1 year cancer free mark, I must have hope in my Creator and Father so that I can move ahead in the new year without fear. I do have hope and I am looking forward to what this new year will bring!