Thursday, February 17, 2011

Treatment Complete!

Wow! I can't believe I can finally say that my treatments are done! One year and 52 treatments later, I am finished! My last one today was bittersweet. I was elated of course to be finishing, but also sad that my Thursday outings were coming to an end. Not that I will miss the treatments themselves. I am very looking forward to seeing if the tiredness and achy joints will go away now that I have finished. I am, however, going to miss that I have a set Thursday appointment every week to eat lunch by myself, whatever I want, and then have an hour to do nothing but sit, read, watch t.v., listen to my i-pod, or sleep...whatever I prefer! I am seriously tempted to make up an appointment so that I can keep my weekly quiet time. :)

Today when I left my appointment, I called my husband and then got all choked up. I am really going to miss Lori, my nurse. She has made all the difference in the world for me. I have spent an hour, and sometimes more, with her 1 day a week for a year. I started off going every Tuesday, but that got crazy. Sometimes there would be 15 people hooked up to machines getting treatments and twice I could not even find a seat. So, one day I asked if I could switch to Thursdays. I am so glad that I did. The rest of the year, there has never been more than 2 other people getting treatment while I was there and sometimes I was the only one. This has allowed Lori and I to sit and chat, look up stuff on our phones and the internet, and we even ate lunch together today while I got treatment. I can truly say that she is no longer just my nurse, but she has become my friend! A special gift that God has given me as I navigated this difficult journey.

So, now the countdown begins as I head into the downhill stretch. Next week I get a week off and then I hit the ground running. The following week I will have my last echocardiogram, then the next week I will meet one more time before surgery with my plastic surgeon and oncologist, and the following week will be my reconstructive surgery. I am tired and nervous, but ready to finish what was started just over 1 year ago.

Friday, February 11, 2011


There have been periods of time in my life when I am stumped. I cannot figure out why God has allowed me to have my heart and body broken. "Why do I still have Alopecia? What purpose can that serve?" "Why did I have a miscarriage?" "Why have I faced certain difficulties in my marriage?" "Why was I allowed to get breast cancer?" Then, when I look around and see the hurt of others, it frustrates me so much that I cannot understand the "why."
On the other hand, I am glad that my God is so infinite and that "His ways are higher than my ways." That gives me someone I can confidently worship and trust! Of course, offering my life to Him completely for His use is sometimes easier said than done.

Last night I was reading from the book "Things as They Are: Mission Work in South India" by Amy Carmichael. She is a beautiful writer and she gave an illustration that blew my mind. It seemed such a beautiful picture of how to look at my life and the places in my life where at one time or the other, my life has seemed broken.
"I went down to the potter's house, and, behold, he wrought a work on the wheels." The vessel the potters are making here is worth about a halfpenny, but it is perfect of its kind. The moulder never lifts his hand from it from the moment he puts a lump of shapeless clay on the wheel till the moment he takes it off finished, so far as the wheel can finish it. If it is "marred," it is "marred in the hand of the potter," and instantly he makes it again another vessel as it seems good to him. He never wastes the clay.

This reminds me of 2 things:
1. God is the potter and I am the clay. He is daily molding me into a treasure, and only He knows what He wants the final outcome to be. Isaiah 64:8 "But now, O Lord, Thou art our Father, we are the clay, and Thou our potter; And all of us are the work of Thy hand."
2. The broken places in my life will not be left unredeemed! I love the song by Selah with that title, Unredeemed! The lyrics in the chorus are:
Life breaks and falls apart
But we know these are
Places where grace is soon to be so amazing.
It may be unfulfilled
It may be unrestored
But when anything that's shattered is laid before the Lord
Just watch and see
It will not be unredeemed!

Nothing can touch me that does not pass through the Lord's hands first, and if I am broken, He will not let it be in vain, He will use it for His glory. How amazing!

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Thankful "K"

K is the first letter of a lot of my fun favorites. Here are just a few!

KISSES - There is nothing I love better than kisses from my kids!!!

KINDLE - I got a Kindle for my birthday present and I am loving it! I carry it everywhere I go and it is getting lots of use! I look forward to filling it up with books in the years to come!

KEURIG - My Christmas gift! My instant coffee/tea/hot cocoa maker is getting used every day! The entire family can use it (except Micah, I won't let him touch it) and we love it! Thank you to my sister for my gift card and for coupons in the mail that made this purchase possible!

KARO - There is nothing better to snack on than a little crunchy Peter Pan peanut butter with a little cold white Karo syrup mixed in! Yummy! It's my dad's fault that I have been enjoying this concoction since I was a little girl. :) White Karo is also super yummy on French Toast!