Wednesday, September 1, 2010


This month has been a very difficult one for me, emotionally and physically. For some reason I am aching from head to toe. It hurts to sleep if you can imagine that. Even my fingers hurt. They have told me that the Herceptin can make you ache and feel like your body is 90 years old, so maybe that's it.

Emotionally things have been difficult as well. My husband and I are trying to find some normalcy in our new life, and I'm very tired and cranky with the kids I think. In the last month my neighbor's husband across the street died from cancer, my neighbor up the street was just diagnosed with cancer and told he probably won't live till Christmas, my husband's uncle's wife is struggling with cancer and just got news that it has spread, a woman in our church just started her chemo for breast cancer, and a childhood friend was just diagnosed with inoperable cancer. I know it is everywhere, but the news can be overwhelming when you are in the middle of it still yourself. Needless to say, I am grateful for the hope of Heaven!

Don Piper's book, "90 Minutes in Heaven," gives one of the most beautiful descriptions of Heaven I have ever read. My family and I are music lovers, so his description of the music in Heaven just melts my heart. I can't type the whole chapter here, but here is a snipit!
"It was the most beautiful and pleasant sound I've ever heard, and it didn't stop. It was like a song that goes on forever. I didn't just hear music. It seemed as if I were part of the music--and it played in and through my body. I stood still, and yet I felt embraced by the sounds.
The praise was unending...hundreds of songs were being sung at the same time--all of them worshipping God. If we played 3 cd's of praise at the same time, we'd have a cacophony of noise that would drive us crazy. This was totally different. Every sound (voice, instrument, the swoosh of angel wings) blended, and enhanced the others.
I couldn't calculate the number of songs--perhaps thousands--offered up simultaneously, and yet there was no chaos, because I had the capacity to hear each one and discern the lyrics and melody. I marveled at the glorious music."

Then I looked again, and I heard the singing of thousands and millions of angels
around the throne and the living beings and the elders.
Revelation 5:11


Julie & Patrick said...

I can't imagine how overwhelming this disease can seem to those to have experienced it first hand, yet you've managed the toughest parts with an unending amount of faith and grace. I'm sure you inspire so many who now face what you did months ago.

I love the thought of such beautiful music in heaven, and the thought that my loved ones who have passed are experiencing it now...That sense of peace is so comforting.

I hope the aches leave your body soon so that you might find that place of normalcy that your family so deserves.


Anonymous said...


I'm sorry you are going through such a tough time emotionally and physically. Although cancer has never been a diagnosis I've had to deal with, I know something of trying to clutch to normalcy having an acquired disability. I think God gives us a "new normal", and it is a subtle creep of change in which we wake up one morning and discover this is who I am "now". Emotionally, like you... I have found that my "new normal" certainly appreciates Heaven and small, once totally unnoticed, treasures each and every day.

I pray for you daily, and for your family. Hugs from Maryland, sweet cousin...


The Labontes said...

I'm so sorry you are struggling! It must be so hard to focus on your journey to well-being when so much is cropping up around you. What a beautiful description of what is waiting for us!

I will pray for strength and a decrease in your pain as your treatment continues.

Kristi W. said...

I'm praying for you, too. I want to apologize to you for being such a loser blogger friend to you throughout your cancer journey. So many times I have wanted to call but I have been worried I'd be one more thing taking up your time. Then so much time went by and I started feeling so stupid for not calling. I've been praying all this time though. Please forgive me. And hopefully we can still connect on the phone when you have time.

:) Kristi

Peter and Nancy said...

It must be hard to have one "big" hurdle over with as you end chemo, but find yourself dealing with the ongoing side effects of Herceptin. You sort of feel like things should be more back to normal, but the reality is you're still fighting. I hope you're able to be gentle with yourself -- I know that's how Jesus would deal with you as you go on being a wife and mother in the midst of it all.

I'm so sorry to hear of all the cancer news that's hit you. It can be overwhelming to hear about so many who are hurting and going down that road. The timing of you reading Don Piper's book is so great -- I read it last summer, and it left me feeling a great sense of anticipation.

Hugs to you,