Back in the Saddle!

I guess you could say that I am "back in the saddle" again! This morning was my first morning back to church since my surgery 5 weeks ago. It was good to see friends again that I have not seen in a while and get some good hugs! :)

This evening I got to work my first ever Compassion booth at an event. That the event happened to be a concert of one of my favorite contemporary Christian groups was icing on the cake! I enjoyed myself very much and I am excited to report that at least 19 new children got sponsored tonight! Needless to say, "I'm hooked!"

All in all, a wonderful day getting back into the swing of things. I guess only tomorrow will tell if I pushed myself too hard today, but if so, it was so worth it! A great way to kick off a new week!

Week 4...No More!

Today I am 4 weeks out from my last surgery! There are a few things that I am celebrating...

• No more stinky antibiotic!
• No more drains!
• No more giving myself shots in my legs!
• No more ripping tape off my incisions!
• No more surgeries!

I can drive again! I can get out of bed without help! I can sleep on my side! It's the small things that make me happy! :) So what happens now? Basically, I'm done! I have a couple of small cosmetic procedures that will be done over the next couple of months to finish out the reconstructive surgery part of my treatment. Hopefully these will be completed by Christmas. I will continue doing check-ups with my breast surgeon, my oncologist, and my plastic surgeon. I think this will probably go on for a couple of years...maybe till I reach 5 years cancer free!

It has been a long year and a half! We have put so much in our life on hold during this time. This sudden change of focus in your life is not something you can ever prepare for. But, we are grateful for so much and I believe we will come out on the other side stronger than before and with our priorities more in line with where they should be. And, as far as my cancer journey, that leaves me counting down the months till my "2 years cancer free," mark in January!

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

Ok. Everything boils down to...the surgery went good, I feel bad, and it looks ugly! :) Maybe that is not using correct grammar, but that is my situation in a nutshell. I am elated to have my surgeries behind me, and grateful that all went well. Depending on the day and the hour, I am tired, sore, sick at my stomach, uncomfortable...you get the picture. My body is cut, bruised, and covered in bandage tape that has to be replaced every two days. I have drainage tubes coming out of my body that have to be drained twice a day. I have to wear a restrictive bandage around my chest and abdomen that is not the most comfortable thing to wear. The pain meds make me sick, I am on antibiotics, and I have to give myself a shot of blood thinner in my leg every day for 10 days. I going on day 5 and still have the bruises from the first 4! Like I said...it's not pretty!

My husband and kids have been such great troopers, trying to take on everything while I am laid up. Not sure exactly how long the recovery process takes, but I have been told a couple of weeks. Just in time for school to start back. I really can't wait to feel "good" again! My sisters went in together and bought me some beautiful flowers, a Starbuck's gift card, and a huge piece of chocolate-covered cheesecake with snicker sprinkles on top! It is so great to feel so loved by people who know you so well!!

And so I rest, because I must, willing my body to heal quickly. Thank you for all the prayers and the small acts of kindness you have shown to me and my family during this very long year and 1/2 journey through breast cancer.

Struggling

I realize that I have not written in a while. To be honest, this so-called "respite" that I have been in since my last post, has been a bit of a struggle. One of my favorite pieces of literature is "Pilgrim's Progress," by John Bunyan. I love the descriptive way that Pilgrim walks through life like on a journey across the world. Right now, I feel like I am climbing a mountain to get out of the valley where we have been. I have almost reached the summit, but this last mile has been exhausting both physically and emotionally. I find myself wanting to climb under a rock and sit out for a spell, feeling like I don't have the strength to go on. It reminds me of a song I heard recently at a concert. Twila Paris sang her song, "The Warrior is a Child," and it resonated with me in a way that it had not done when I listened to the song as a teenager.

They don't know that I go running home when I fall down.

They don't know who picks me up when no one is around.

I drop my sword and cry for just a while,

Cause deep inside this armor, the warrior is a child.

After my last expansion, I was in incredible pain for 3 weeks and unable to do much of anything with my right side. It even hurt to breathe. I ended up having x-rays done to see if the cancer had come back or if I had developed walking pneumonia somehow. The x-rays were clear and there was no infection or fluid build-up, so it was assumed that it must be inflammation from all the trauma on that side. I have been taking some anti-inflammatory meds and I am feeling MUCH better. I have even left the recliner finally and have been able to sleep in my own bed this week for the first time since March.

Now, I am dreading my next surgery, but trying to not dwell on the possibilities of things that could happen. I think it is always scary being "put under," so that someone can work on your body. We have elected to have my abdominal surgery (long story) at the same time since my plastic surgeon is already there and I am already under, so this recovery time is going to be longer and a little more painful than my first surgery I am told. There is also the danger of blood clots, so I will have to be getting shots to help prevent that. It's strange wanting something to get here quickly so that you can get it over with, yet dreading it's arrival at the same time. Three weeks to go!

So, I know what I have to do. With God's help, I will stand back up, take a deep breath, grab my hiking stick, and head for the summit! I would love it if you would uphold my journey in your prayers as God brings me to your mind!

A Brief Respite

Yesterday, I was reminded again of God's graciousness in our lives over the last year and a half. As I sat in my oncologist's office for my check-up, a resident doctor came in to observe and review my file. While we waited on the oncologist to come in, the resident asked me about my cancer story and he perused my file. After a minute, he seemed startled and asked, "You mean your cancer was hormone negative and HER2 positive and it was just a stage 1?" Yes. I don't think I have ever been in denial, but I choose to not dwell on "what could be or might be," but to take each day as it comes, trusting the Lord for enough strength for the day. (Matthew 6:34) It had been a while since I had been reminded just how serious my cancer diagnosis was and could have been.

1. Only about 25% of women get the kind of cancer I got.
2. It is a highly aggressive cancer and could have only been in my body for a couple of months at most to still be a stage 1.
3. It was a miracle that I realized something had changed and I needed to talk with my doctor.
4. It was another miracle that my doctor agreed to send me to a specialist after a radiologist, 2 mammograms and 3 ultrasounds said that there was nothing there.

Whatever the reasons, I may never know, but I got to share again how God had taken care of us and how He had used the delay in my diagnosis, and held the growth at bay, so that we could adopt our youngest son!

So where am I now and what do I have planned for the future? :)

1. I just finished my last visit with my plastic surgeon yesterday! I get a brief respite. The expanding process with the skin is done and so we have scheduled surgery for July to remove the expanders and replace them with the implants. The whole process from surgery, healing, reconstructing and tatooing will take about 6 months.
2. My 7th echocardiogram came back showing that my heart is on the mend. Still not all the way there, but heading in the right direction! My heart muscle had been damaged by the year-long treatments.
3. I am still sleeping in the recliner...since March 16th! Although I love my recliner, I am longing for my bed. The problem is just that the expanders are too uncomfortable to lay on either side and too heavy for me to lay on my back...I can't breath. :(
4. We have planned my surgery for July instead of June so that I can take a trip to Colorado to see my family and attend my grandparent's 70th wedding anniversary! YES, 70th!!!
5. As of now, I am considered "cancer free!" With my type of cancer, the highest rate of return is within the first 2 years. I will be holding my breath till January, my 2 year mark. :) The rate is slightly less for it to return within 5 years. After that, there is a 92% success rate! So, for now it is just up to me to know my body and be on the lookout for any strange aches or pains that don't go away. No pressure there. ;)

So, I am grateful for God's blessings and His grace! I am so thankful for this Mother's Day that just passed, and I am looking forward to school getting out and spending a fun summer with my family!

Surrounded by India!

It seems like everywhere I turn lately, India is popping up. I'm not sure why. A friend of mine who is adopting from Ethiopia says that everywhere she turns she is hearing and seeing stuff about Ethiopia. Maybe it's been there all along, but I am just more aware now of things involving India since my youngest son was born there; now that I hold a piece of India in my heart. Here are a few of my run-ins with India lately...

• In the April 18th issue of Time Magazine there is a small article about India winning the Cricket World Cup! They had not won the title since 1983. I was instantly reminded of our trip to India 2 years ago and remembered seeing little boys playing the game on little patches of dirt by the sides of the road.
• Slumdog Millionaire was on t.v. a couple of weeks ago. The same day my daughter brought home a new book from her classroom to read for her daily reading. It was a small non-fiction book about the little girl who got chosen to have a leading role in that movie.
• A friend of mine just got back from India a couple of weeks ago after traveling to pick up their 5th child (their 3rd adopted from India)! While there, they volunteered for a week at a foster-type home for special-needs orphans. She may not know it, but this friend is such an inspiration to me!
• Ganthimathy, the little girl we sponsor in India, has a birthday coming up soon. I have been working on getting a birthday packet put together to put in the mail for her.
• Right now I am reading the book "One Million Arrows" by Julie Ferwerda. In it she shares the story of M.A. Thomas or "Papa" as the orphans called him. He was Indian and started a ministry in India caring for the leper's children and orphans in a very desperate area in northern India. Since the 1970's he has cared for thousands of orphans, started "Hope Homes" all over the country of India, set up schools and Bible Schools and graduated hundreds of orphans who have chosen to be nurses, doctors, teachers, pastors, etc., all in their own country so that they could serve "the least of these" and spread the Gospel of Jesus! So Incredible! Papa just passed away in December and his ministry "HopeGivers International" is still going strong. I highly recommend that you check out his web site and also read the book!
• Yesterday, as I was reading a blog I follow, I came across an add for a free book. Not one to turn down a free book, I clicked on the link. It is called "Revolution in World Missions" by K.P. Yohannan. It is a book by Gospel for Asia and the author is from India! I cannot wait to read it. The reviews are great and say the book is "life-changing!"

Although I am not sure why "India" keeps popping up in my life right now, I am pretty certain that God is slowing growing a love for India in my heart that He began the day we said, "Yes," to a little boy from Kolkata!

Compassion International Advocate

Well, it's official! I have been a huge fan of Compassion International for many years, but I have only just recently taken the next step to become an official advocate for their ministry.

Over the last couple of years, God has been speaking to me about my selfishness and apathy. I am very content where I find myself in my little church, my little community, my little circle of family and friends. I am just beginning to realize that "doing nothing" is a sin. If we are content, we are still. God did not save us to sit, but to actively seek to spread His glory to His children around the world. In the last couple of months, I have fallen in love with the verse in Micah 6:8 and I would say that it has become my life's verse. "What is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?" God does not make mistakes. I find it amazing that my life's verse is found in the book of Micah, the name of our son that we adopted 2 years ago trying to live the commands of this passage!

As I have become more passionate about adoption, my concern has also grown to include many other issues that affect children around the world...poverty, HIV/AIDS, clean water needs, lack of education, child sex-trafficking, etc. Many organizations that I love, help with these issues, but Compassion was a ministry that was already in place, and actively making a difference and changing lives in most of these areas. So, I felt led that this would be a GREAT place to start getting my feet wetter!

If you would like to know more about the ministry of Compassion or would like to consider sponsoring a child for just $38 a month, please click on the link above and check out the awesome children who need a sponsor! You will be taking the first step in changing their lives and yours!