Friday, June 24, 2011

Struggling

I realize that I have not written in a while. To be honest, this so-called "respite" that I have been in since my last post, has been a bit of a struggle. One of my favorite pieces of literature is "Pilgrim's Progress," by John Bunyan. I love the descriptive way that Pilgrim walks through life like on a journey across the world. Right now, I feel like I am climbing a mountain to get out of the valley where we have been. I have almost reached the summit, but this last mile has been exhausting both physically and emotionally. I find myself wanting to climb under a rock and sit out for a spell, feeling like I don't have the strength to go on. It reminds me of a song I heard recently at a concert. Twila Paris sang her song, "The Warrior is a Child," and it resonated with me in a way that it had not done when I listened to the song as a teenager.

They don't know that I go running home when I fall down.
They don't know who picks me up when no one is around.
I drop my sword and cry for just a while,
Cause deep inside this armor, the warrior is a child.

After my last expansion, I was in incredible pain for 3 weeks and unable to do much of anything with my right side. It even hurt to breathe. I ended up having x-rays done to see if the cancer had come back or if I had developed walking pneumonia somehow. The x-rays were clear and there was no infection or fluid build-up, so it was assumed that it must be inflammation from all the trauma on that side. I have been taking some anti-inflammatory meds and I am feeling MUCH better. I have even left the recliner finally and have been able to sleep in my own bed this week for the first time since March.

Now, I am dreading my next surgery, but trying to not dwell on the possibilities of things that could happen. I think it is always scary being "put under," so that someone can work on your body. We have elected to have my abdominal surgery (long story) at the same time since my plastic surgeon is already there and I am already under, so this recovery time is going to be longer and a little more painful than my first surgery I am told. There is also the danger of blood clots, so I will have to be getting shots to help prevent that. It's strange wanting something to get here quickly so that you can get it over with, yet dreading it's arrival at the same time. Three weeks to go!

So, I know what I have to do. With God's help, I will stand back up, take a deep breath, grab my hiking stick, and head for the summit! I would love it if you would uphold my journey in your prayers as God brings me to your mind!

4 comments:

Kristi W. said...

Oh, Candice! You are such a warrior and you are going to kick this surgery's booty. :). I have been so inspired by you through the last few months and I know that you are only going to get stronger because of these trials. I'm praying for you. We should chat soon to finish up our book, too! I'll text you. Hang in there my friend!

Jessica said...

So good to see you and your cute daughter! Praying for you and your family!

Fenwick Family of 5 said...

Candice,You are there in my prayers and God will see you thru,remember even in hard times,God will never leave or forsake you,that is one of his beautiful promises.:)
I also know that sometimes when you are in the valley,you can't seem to see yourself climbing out and getting to that top of the mountain like everyone else seems to see,that's where God,family and friends come in. When at times you feel weak,call on the name of JESUS and just that little bit of faith will give you strength to climb along with our prayers moving you on. Kinda like prayers carrying you. LOVE Gidget

Anonymous said...

Hi Candice,

I've been having trouble with my Blogger account not letting me leave comments . . . but rest assured I am thinking of you and holding you up in prayer. I'm so sorry your last recovery was so painful. You can bet I will be praying that you're surprised by a better recovery than you're anticipating.

You are one tough woman -- and I say that not meaning that you're never overwhelmed, but that you just fall at your Father's feet and go ON. Amazing.

With love,
Nancy