Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Missing Mommy.


Besides the week after each chemo when I am sick, I have decided that the worst thing about this cancer diagnosis is the "missing mommy" scenario that has developed. I honestly feel like my life has been put on hold till June when my last chemo is over. I am trying my best to be a part of everything that I can, but it's just not possible to do it all. Although I am sure the forced rest is good for me since my family is always on the go, it is still difficult to be left at home in bed and not feel like doing things I normally would.

My mom and my husband saved Micah's "gotcha day" and birthday. But I've missed choir concerts, soccer games, church and other things. I did buy Easter outfits this year, but I had forgotten to get shorts and shoes for the boys until it was too late and I'd already had my latest chemo. Thankfully, my husband and my sister met at Target on Saturday afternoon and found some that would work. I am grateful and it wasn't that big of a deal, but I just felt so sad. It just felt like one more thing I was missing. Of course I had to miss service this year, so our Easter picture this year is just of my beautiful kiddos!

I know it's not forever and I have so, so much to be grateful for, so I am going to stop complaining now. I just wanted to be truthful and being able to document my feelings is helpful to me, so that is how it is.

6 comments:

hearingelmo said...

Nothing wrong with being honest about your feelings Candi. It was very therapeutic for me when I lost my hearing to be HONEST in my writing. One wonderful thing about documenting "the good, the bad, and the ugly" is the BLESSING of looking back on it one day when this has become a thing of your past. I love you gal, and pray for you daily. Much love, your cousin Denise!

Peter and Nancy said...

I don't think you're complaining -- just telling it like it is. And it's helpful for me since you're giving me some insight for when friends or family are in the same situation. Now I know how to help -- by offering to take pictures or video, or give rides to practices, etc. Thanks for taking the risk to write the truth. Praying for your mama's heart . . .
Nancy

The Labontes said...

Praying for your sweet family. I'm sure they miss their Momma, but imagine it is much harder on you than it is on them. That Momma guilt we develop is a powerful thing :(
Kristy

Julie & Patrick said...

How wonderful to lean on the ones you love for help. I'm sure it makes them feel good that they can assist in your care in some way. I'm certain many of them, if given the chance would trade places with you in a heart beat. You are doing great! Half way there and still loaded with spirit and as much spunk as you can muster. No one can ask for more than that. Praying for you and your family!

Julie R

Fantastic Family of 5 said...

Candice,Hang on and you will make it. You are doing the best and your family knows this and they love you! I know you must miss the mommy things,thanks for reminding me how the little things are big blessings,...things that we do as mammas!! Praying for you and your family,Gidget

Pam said...

Candice, be real girl! You hav been an example of faith and spirit to everyone who knows you. It's only human for you to feel the way you do! You are an inspiration to me friend! Hang in there Momma! You are doing great!