Struggling

I realize that I have not written in a while. To be honest, this so-called "respite" that I have been in since my last post, has been a bit of a struggle. One of my favorite pieces of literature is "Pilgrim's Progress," by John Bunyan. I love the descriptive way that Pilgrim walks through life like on a journey across the world. Right now, I feel like I am climbing a mountain to get out of the valley where we have been. I have almost reached the summit, but this last mile has been exhausting both physically and emotionally. I find myself wanting to climb under a rock and sit out for a spell, feeling like I don't have the strength to go on. It reminds me of a song I heard recently at a concert. Twila Paris sang her song, "The Warrior is a Child," and it resonated with me in a way that it had not done when I listened to the song as a teenager.

They don't know that I go running home when I fall down.

They don't know who picks me up when no one is around.

I drop my sword and cry for just a while,

Cause deep inside this armor, the warrior is a child.

After my last expansion, I was in incredible pain for 3 weeks and unable to do much of anything with my right side. It even hurt to breathe. I ended up having x-rays done to see if the cancer had come back or if I had developed walking pneumonia somehow. The x-rays were clear and there was no infection or fluid build-up, so it was assumed that it must be inflammation from all the trauma on that side. I have been taking some anti-inflammatory meds and I am feeling MUCH better. I have even left the recliner finally and have been able to sleep in my own bed this week for the first time since March.

Now, I am dreading my next surgery, but trying to not dwell on the possibilities of things that could happen. I think it is always scary being "put under," so that someone can work on your body. We have elected to have my abdominal surgery (long story) at the same time since my plastic surgeon is already there and I am already under, so this recovery time is going to be longer and a little more painful than my first surgery I am told. There is also the danger of blood clots, so I will have to be getting shots to help prevent that. It's strange wanting something to get here quickly so that you can get it over with, yet dreading it's arrival at the same time. Three weeks to go!

So, I know what I have to do. With God's help, I will stand back up, take a deep breath, grab my hiking stick, and head for the summit! I would love it if you would uphold my journey in your prayers as God brings me to your mind!