A Child's Words

Yesterday was 1 week out from my latest reconstructive procedure related to my double mastectomy. What was supposed to be a simple procedure without being put to sleep (only because insurance does not want to pay for it I'm sure), turned into 5 hours at the hospital and a very traumatic experience for me. I won't go into all the details, but to make a long story short, I should have been asleep, or at least given some valium or something to help me get through. I held it together while in the operating room, but when I got out to the car after it was over, the tears came. So, it has been another week of healing, dressing wounds, sleeping on my back, and watching the bruises turn purple and then green. I am so grateful that this is my favorite time of year and that the holidays are right around the corner. This is helping to keep my spirits lifted!

This morning, I removed the bandages on my side, and showed my boys (ages 3 and 7) where the doctors had stitched me back together. I let them touch the little loop of fishing line that is still sticking out of my body. Of course they thought that was really cool, while being a little freaked out at the thought of someone sewing on Mommy! My 3 year old came back to me a few moments later and this was our short conversation:

Micah: "Mommy, did you cry?"

Me: "Yes, Mommy did."

Micah: "Did someone hold your hand?"

Me: "No, baby, no one did."

Micah: "Was the doctor there?"

Me: "Yes, he was there."

Micah: "I wish I was there to hold your hand."

Me: "Me too. I would have loved that!"

This little conversation with my 3 year old little boy, was a hug from God this morning. It brought tears to my eyes and joy to my heart. I wonder, (but I think I know the answer) if our words of praise and love, as simple as they may be, to our Heavenly Father, bring Him as much Joy and pleasure! We are His children and "He inhabits the praise of His people!" Today I am reminded that I need to be intentional and remind my Father of all the ways that I love Him!

Mission

Over the last few years, my traditional view of "missions" has slowly been changing. I sense the Lord doing a work in my heart and my mind, and I want to be faithful in sharing this with my children. There are a couple of ways I am trying to build a passion for God's "mission" in their hearts.

First, all parents know that there is a tremendous amount of reading required when your kids are in school. My two oldest are supposed to be reading from 20-30 minutes a day. I am very fortunate that mine love to read, so often times I have to tell them, "Put your books down, you have read enough for today!" :) However, we have been able to capitalize on this time of required reading and put it to use for Kingdom purposes! My rule is that they can pick a book, and then I pick the next one. This is something we have done for a year and a half and it has been wonderful. So far my eldest has been able to read several books from the Chronicles of Narnia, parts of Pilgrims Progress, and is currently reading biographies of Christian missionaries! We have found an author that the girls really like, Janet and Geoff Benge, and they have written about 30 Christian biographies for kids 4th - 8th grade, in a series called "Christian Heroes: Then and Now." Currently my girls have read about Amy Carmichael, Harriet Tubman, Corrie ten Boom, Lillian Trasher, Lottie Moon, and Gladys Aylward! I am especially excited for them to read about these women (and men) who spent their lives in service to God and others. Many of them even started and ran orphanages, a passion close to my heart!

Our second decision to help grow this passion in our children's hearts was that as their 13th birthday gift, we would take them on a mission trip to another country. I wish every teenager could at least once see how the other 3/4th of the world lives. I think it would change their lives. I know it has changed mine. So, this coming summer, Hallie and I are planning to spend a week in Guatemala. We will be working at several Compassion Child Care Centers. This will allow me to see Compassion's work first hand, and allow Hallie to hopefully increase her love for Spanish, for teaching children, and keep her heart soft for those children living in poverty. Our fundraising efforts will kick off in January, so if any of my readers feel compelled to give toward our trip, we won't say, "no!" :)

God is always at work building His Kingdom and His Church! I am grateful that He desires for us to live on "mission" while we are here and to share a small part in His great story!

Komen 5K Walk/Run

It's not the best picture, but it's proof we did it! This year was our 2nd year to participate in the Susan G Komen Race for the Cure! Last year I missed the survivor photo by 5 minutes...this year I made it on time! Last year the girls and I half ran, half walked the 5K...this year because of my recent surgeries, we walked the whole 3.2 miles. Next year, I plan to run! I have a year to work up to it! David ran both years and even got a better time this year than last. It was a muggy day, but worth it! We had lots of fun with some of our family and friends who walked with us this year!

It's hard to explain the atmosphere...nearly 10,000 people supporting loved ones who have survived breast cancer, are currently fighting, or who lost the battle. The race is definitely something I hope my family gets to be a part of for many years to come!

The day after the walk, I ran into a lady that I just met in August of this year. She said, "I didn't know that you were a breast cancer survivor." I said, "Yes, how did you just find out?" She went on to tell me how she had been walking in the Komen race as well. Ahead of her, she saw a women with a sign on her back that said, "Celebrating...and my name!" She asked the lady about it and the lady said that she did not know me personally, but a friend of hers had mentioned my name as a fairly new survivor, so she was walking in my honor! I got chills. To think that some woman I don't know was walking in the same race that day with my name on her back, celebrating me as a breast cancer survivor! Such a cool, cool thing!

The race is a great reminder that I am almost done with this part of my journey. One more outpatient procedure coming up in October, and then the last part of the reconstruction in January as I celebrate my "2 years cancer free!" Not a bad way to start a new year!

Changing Seasons

Autumn, jeans and sweatshirts, soccer, chili and fritos, white chocolate mochas...it's my favorite time of year! I love the cooler weather, the changing leaves, and the holiday spirit that you begin to feel as the end of the year draws closer and closer. This time of year, it is easy for me to find so many things to be thankful for.

I can't help but think, however, that as the holiday season approaches, some people will be and are facing very difficult circumstances. Seasons change, and the leaves with their brilliant, fiery colors of red and gold that I love so much, will dry up and blow away into the cold white of winter. So our lives experience seasons of vibrant joy and blessing, and times of difficulty and sorrow.

I have begun reading Ann Voskamp's book "One Thousand Gifts." She has a beautiful paragraph that describes a way of looking at our world where we can still find ways to "come before God's presence with thanksgiving," even in a winter season of our lives.

"I wonder too...if the rent in the canvas of our life backdrop, the losses that puncture our world, our own emptiness, might actually become places to see.

To see through to God.

That that which tears open our souls, those holes that splatter our sight, may actually become the thin, open places to see through the mess of this place to the heart-aching beauty beyond. To Him. To the God whom we endlessly crave."

As I head into Fall, looking forward to Thanksgiving, the end of my surgeries and procedures, time with family, cooler weather, new year's resolutions and changing priorities, I am also praying that from this moment on, I will live always with a thankful spirit in every season!

Back in the Saddle!

I guess you could say that I am "back in the saddle" again! This morning was my first morning back to church since my surgery 5 weeks ago. It was good to see friends again that I have not seen in a while and get some good hugs! :)

This evening I got to work my first ever Compassion booth at an event. That the event happened to be a concert of one of my favorite contemporary Christian groups was icing on the cake! I enjoyed myself very much and I am excited to report that at least 19 new children got sponsored tonight! Needless to say, "I'm hooked!"

All in all, a wonderful day getting back into the swing of things. I guess only tomorrow will tell if I pushed myself too hard today, but if so, it was so worth it! A great way to kick off a new week!

Week 4...No More!

Today I am 4 weeks out from my last surgery! There are a few things that I am celebrating...

• No more stinky antibiotic!
• No more drains!
• No more giving myself shots in my legs!
• No more ripping tape off my incisions!
• No more surgeries!

I can drive again! I can get out of bed without help! I can sleep on my side! It's the small things that make me happy! :) So what happens now? Basically, I'm done! I have a couple of small cosmetic procedures that will be done over the next couple of months to finish out the reconstructive surgery part of my treatment. Hopefully these will be completed by Christmas. I will continue doing check-ups with my breast surgeon, my oncologist, and my plastic surgeon. I think this will probably go on for a couple of years...maybe till I reach 5 years cancer free!

It has been a long year and a half! We have put so much in our life on hold during this time. This sudden change of focus in your life is not something you can ever prepare for. But, we are grateful for so much and I believe we will come out on the other side stronger than before and with our priorities more in line with where they should be. And, as far as my cancer journey, that leaves me counting down the months till my "2 years cancer free," mark in January!

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

Ok. Everything boils down to...the surgery went good, I feel bad, and it looks ugly! :) Maybe that is not using correct grammar, but that is my situation in a nutshell. I am elated to have my surgeries behind me, and grateful that all went well. Depending on the day and the hour, I am tired, sore, sick at my stomach, uncomfortable...you get the picture. My body is cut, bruised, and covered in bandage tape that has to be replaced every two days. I have drainage tubes coming out of my body that have to be drained twice a day. I have to wear a restrictive bandage around my chest and abdomen that is not the most comfortable thing to wear. The pain meds make me sick, I am on antibiotics, and I have to give myself a shot of blood thinner in my leg every day for 10 days. I going on day 5 and still have the bruises from the first 4! Like I said...it's not pretty!

My husband and kids have been such great troopers, trying to take on everything while I am laid up. Not sure exactly how long the recovery process takes, but I have been told a couple of weeks. Just in time for school to start back. I really can't wait to feel "good" again! My sisters went in together and bought me some beautiful flowers, a Starbuck's gift card, and a huge piece of chocolate-covered cheesecake with snicker sprinkles on top! It is so great to feel so loved by people who know you so well!!

And so I rest, because I must, willing my body to heal quickly. Thank you for all the prayers and the small acts of kindness you have shown to me and my family during this very long year and 1/2 journey through breast cancer.